May I recommend

Though my sexy tale is done, as a final word I’d like to invite you to take a look at a new topic… also geared to women (and men) of a certain age.  What’s on your bucket list?   Read one suggestion right here:  https://peacecorps64.wordpress.com

Hope you enjoy the journey!

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#10 That’s a wrap

This is the end of my sex over 60 ramblings. No more scandalous tale to tell. Just a thanks to my readers that stuck with me. Upon reflection, I gotta admit that
hitting the ‘send’ key after writing every salacious slog was not so easy. Why did I find it so important to pen under the name ‘A. Nonymous’ to spill the details? Here’s three possible reasons:

1. The most doubtful reason:   My time of birth.  Born and raised in mid-century America, the Judeo/Christian ethic of that time was that ‘good girls’ don’t talk about certain things; being honest about sex was definitely one of those things.

2. A somewhat truthful reason: Family considerations. Most adult children would rather stick a hot poker in their eye than read racy anecdotes about their senior parents. The exception is my free-spirited off spring. I’ll call her B. nonymous, my biggest fan. Then there are the evangelical relatives; I’ll call them E. nonymous. This slog would be received as distasteful at best, ‘going to hell in a handbasket’ at worst. So I remain A. nonymous.

3. The most probable reason: Life experience.  Sex has gotten a bum rap for lots of good reasons. I’ve seen first-hand the damage wrought in rural patriarchal cultures when sex is used as a weapon of control and suppression. Or ask any ‘me too’ survivor about their take on the joys of sex. And don’t get me started on the leader of the free world, a creepy misogynist.

I only know I needed to tell my widow’s tale where sex, when practiced for all the right reasons, is the hero. It can be fabulous, fun and full of personal flair. I’ll let you decide why I chose to use the voice of ‘Anne’ to shout the merits of the incredible sexual, creative kundalini energy.

So what’s next? It’s not a news flash to anyone of a certain age, that no matter what we do (spoiler alert) nobody gets out alive. I aspire to limp to death’s door with certain sexy parts worn to a sore frazzle. My hope is that you aspire a similar fate, even if sex doesn’t come a calling, life is an adventure. Go create your own fearless, sometimes scandalous path. If we can’t get out alive, we can at least make sure to be happily exhausted.

#9 The reclining years

I call these sublime times after 60 the reclining years because I like the sound of it. Recliners are relaxing places you go to take a load off and just stretch out. Here’s a list of things I’m learning to do in my reclining years. Some of these might have been a bit harder to prioritize in prime time.
Like the Chinese fortune cookie, just add the words ‘in bed’ after each of these.
1. Be honest and kind
2. Institute ‘no pants Tuesdays’
3. Take responsibility for your own pleasure. Love thyself. There’s a tool for that.
4. Beware of different appetites. Retire the judge’s robe. Neither a judge nor a jury be
5. One must maintain a certain sense of humor
6. Fear and guilt are pretty worthless mates
7. Be a slacker on occasion
8. To be an interesting person, one must do interesting things
9. Take time. Efficiency isn’t always the best policy
10. Remember to have fun
Actually, most of these work in or out of bed; especially ‘no pants Tuesdays’. Happy reclining!

#8 Equality in the bedroom

The Do Rag: Do-over, Do-it-again, Do-it better, Just-do-it. Do dah do dah doo.
My do-over came in my 60’s. Significant parts of my life were done; career retired, husband dead, kids all grown and busy working on their own future regrets. I belonged to the purgatory class. If life gives you a do-over (aka do-it-again), take advantage of it. Enjoy more. Laugh easier. Rediscovering sex after 60 is like finding a new life force, and I’m not talking about the occasional B12 shot. It’s even better than discovering sex at 16 because at 16 you’re merely curious while at 60 you can really appreciate the juiciness of it. You’ve got way less going on to distract from the pure fun. From our 20s to 50s sex is something that often gets scheduled, has an agenda, and ends in pleasant surprise or bitter disappointment.
Pre-menopausal women live with the joys of monthly periods and spiking hormones all while enduring the same daily pressures men have; plus toss in extra duties like birthin’ babies. Dancer extraordinaire Ginger Rogers was fond of saying she did everything Fred Astaire did only in heels and backwards. With the pace of a woman’s life, it can go unnoticed that female bodies are literal pleasure machines. And I don’t mean a man’s pleasure.
Here’s a lesson I learned, based on my ignorance of pleasure. One particular evening while in the throes of competent hands (and a tool or two) I was surprised that I’d had three very delightful o’s all over the course of a couple of hours. The last one had me worried as I wasn’t remotely used to this and thought there was a real possibility I could have a heart attack or at the very least suffer a stroke. I decided to call it a night. As I started to crawl out of bed, my partner politely reminded me he’d not quite reached his ultimate conclusion, so I might want to consider hanging in a bit longer. His pleasure was as important as mine. What a concept! The irony was not lost on me that ‘equality in the bedroom’ has long been a legitimate gripe lodged by unsatisfied women the world over. But on this do-over, I’d found a partner on a mission to make up for all the injustices women have suffered throughout time. Well, if he can take that task on, it’s my solemn duty to risk life and limb to honor any disappointed sisters that have gone before me. It ain’t over til the fat lady sings, and even if she sings three times, it ain’t over til both are singing in harmony.
Do dah do dah doo.

#7 Staying in shape when age is dragging you down

PSST.. look over here! If you’re over 60, female widow, divorced or living single, or if you’re none of those things but want to know what the hell I’m up to over here… read on.

Sex is a contact sport played with no protective gear (condoms don’t count in this metaphor). I’ve heard tell that couples who try unconventional moves in bed have a ‘safe’ word that tells your partner a flag is thrown on the play. We both settled quite naturally into our own safe word. “Cramp!” When that word is invoked, it’s an immediate signal to disengage and tend to whatever hip or leg muscle has frozen up. Muscle cramps can be painful, but with a little relaxing massage, no 911 call necessary.

As we age, diet and exercise have more to do with what shape we’re in than any pill bottles lined up on the dresser. Even one who has never paid much attention and ignored ‘healthy’ life choices benefit from a change. When I started doing ‘gentle yoga’ it was mostly to get to that magical shavasana meditation at the end; but another thing happened. My arms and leg muscles started to limber. Even after 60 it’s not too late to train muscles to be our slightly stretchy friend instead of the uptight enemy. A bonus feature of reaching 65 is free gym membership compliments of Medicare.

The worst culprit to looming health issues for me was paying no attention to the fuel I was putting in my tank. If it smelled good, I ate it. If it was made of a fermented grape, I drank it. Then I read a book and watched some docs about our toxic corporate farming methods. My digestive system was under assault. Meat (if that’s what they’re still calling it) is so cheap at every fast food outlet; heart disease, obesity and colon cancer should be listed as the menu’s bonus feature. I decided to switch to a plant-based diet after 60. There’s still a ton of tasty organic eating choices. And the food industry keeps inventing foods that look like meat or dairy but are actually good for you. So far the biggest benefit I noticed is pretty big drop in my sky rocketing blood pressure, and I still indulge in occasional fermented grapes. Lucky for me, my partner is a committed vegetarian for humane reasons, so we don’t conflict when it comes to meals. There may also be a bonus feature. One thing we’ve not ever needed in bed; the thing that is many an old man’s bestie: Viagra. I’m not sayin’ a vegan or vegetarian diet is an rx for how to maintain a healthy stiffy, but if you are a lover of living, happy animals, feel free to start the rumor.

 

#6 Practicing the rhythm method

Sex and music go together like cake and ice cream; both can be enjoyed separately, but together and in the right combination… prepare for ‘hey, it’s your birthday’ type pleasure! Interrupt here for funny story: I honestly thought that a ‘hummer’ meant (inserting euphemism) ‘playing his piccolo’ while humming the tune playing on the stereo at the time. The first time he suggested I try a hummer, I said, “Sure, but I don’t really know this song.” Pause for laughter. Turns out I wasn’t all that ignorant. Music can be incorporated and add a good rhythm dimension no matter what body part you’re busy with. I think of it as sex dancing. And when he’s busy with my sexy parts, he does some rhythm dancing too. It’s quite fun. Each of us is our own conductor or player in the band.

So what music works best? That’s a personal choice. After graduating from the obvious Bolero, Barry White/Marvin Gaye stage, for me, it’s the music of my youth. In the beginning I noticed I liked Joe Cocker (no pun intended) when he was “Mad Dog’s an Englishman”. I let his voice take me to my fantasy place. One time in bed an amazing Led Zepplin drum solo played and I was stimulated to near madness. Who knew? The rhythm was so tribal. You just don’t hear many drum solos anymore. Jim Morrison is crazy sexy… sometimes he went too far and got himself arrested followed by dead, but it’s still fun to listen to him croon during sexy time. Music porn. I recommend good speakers because great music, like great sex, happens between the ears.

#5 Pot, porn and pleasure. When is it too much?

PSST.. look over here! If you’re over 60, female widow, divorced or living single, or if you’re none of those things but want to know what the hell I’m up to over here… read on.

5. I could say a lot about the three p’s: pot, porn and pleasure but most of it’s been said at some point by somebody, so I’ll stick to my personal experience with each… in bed.

Pot. If you’re not an old smoking pro at this point in life, it’s not too late to start. It can really enhance physical pleasure. But take it slow. Too much of an edible can render you immobile; eating too much magic chocolate bar sneaks up on the brain. Practice and nibble. My preferred method for getting high is pot by bong. Just enough of a Cheech and Chong hit to help get in the right groove. Oh. Beware of another thing. Uncontrolled laughing. Not every sexual partner thinks sex is hysterically funny. I prefer to think of it as joy laughing, but I get it and try and control the impulse when stoned and in bed. Another benefit I’ve noticed is that my blood pressure takes a dip when under the influence; alleviating occasional worries about getting too excited and having a stroke.

Porn. There’s a lot of free wheelin’ freaky sex available on line for everyone’s viewing pleasure. At first, when viewed together, porn can be a useful mood-setter; think video foreplay. But eventually out comes the internal movie critic. Hey, these guys aren’t great actors! The sets are unimaginative; plot lines are few and far between. This is a medium catering to sexually depraved teen age boys. Porn central is so close to Hollywood, too; so disappointing. Porn is just one tool in the sexy kit. When we choose it, I’m always sure to turn off the sound and replace it with some good tunes. There is no video match for what I can create in my own head with the right music playing.

Side note: If you become disturbed by images of bad actors having fake sex or somehow want to get serious about it, may I suggest googling ‘ethical porn’. This is really a thing, created by women, of course. It’s worth mentioning that porn is about the only industry where, even at its worst, women performers are paid more than men for the same job.

Pleasure. Our bodies are amazing sensual machines. Pleasure is not a limited resource. It doesn’t wear out so no need to be stingy sharing it, or even giving it to yourself! More on this later.

Next up: Practicing the rhythm method